Dreams and Relationships with Veronica Tonay

Every time Veronica Tonay comes to the Ranch to speak about dreams, I have to go.  You see, I’m one of those people who has really vivid dreams.  Almost like I’m living a different life.  There have been times where I can’t remember if a conversation I had with someone happened in reality or in a dream.  I consider myself lucky to have such active dreams.  It used to be that my dreams exhausted me.  I would have so many in one night and they would seem so real, it felt like I wasn’t getting any sleep at all some nights!  Thankfully, I’ve learned how to curb that (thanks to some advice from Veronica) so now I can enjoy my dreams and get a good night’s sleep too.

The class I went to a couple of weeks ago was about dreams and relationships.  I was really excited about this one because my relationships are a huge part of my dreams.  They sometimes even affect my every day life!  You know how sometimes you wake up after a particularly vivid dream that had bad vibes (or good vibes for that matter) and you can’t get it out of your head?  It’s a strange phenomenon because we know it’s not real, however, sometimes dreams affect us like they are reality.  I could go on and on about dreams, they fascinate me.

What I found so interesting about Veronica’s class is often when we’re dreaming and we come across a really strong personality that seems scary or intrusive, it’s a way our subconscious lets us know that this is something we need to work on within us, often not in the other person.  For instance, dreams where we are being chased usually means that there is something in our consciousness which we find threatening.  Often those are our own thoughts that we create.  If you begin to write down your dreams in the morning, you may start to see a pattern which can help you resolve issues you might be having in your every day life.  Watch the pattern of interactions and watch how you respond if someone is being negative to you.  This may give you some insight into how you react to things.

If you’re interested in the dream world I highly recommend attending one of Veronica’s classes next time she’s here the week of September 7, 2013.  In the meantime, you can check out her book and articles at VeronicaTonay.com.

The Truth About Marriage Today with John Jacobs M.D.

Oh marriage. Sometimes sweet, sometimes fun, sometimes frustrating, sometimes irritating… and always a lot of work. But don’t fret. Work is not necessarily a bad thing and actually when it comes to marriage, working on your relationship is essential. Recently, we had psychiatrist John Jacobs M.D. at the Ranch for a series of classes based on his book, All You Need is Love and Other Lies About Marriage. As someone who is in their first year of marriage, I happily and curiously went to this class! Is our marriage normal? Are the issues we have universal? One thing I learned before I went to this class from my other married friends is there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage or relationship. It just doesn’t exist. There are always issues, small or large. And I think that’s something that all of us married folks (and unmarried for that matter) can relate to.

What I appreciate most about John’s class is his honesty about marriage in recent times. The fact is that today marriage is not essential in the ways it was before. Today, a woman doesn’t have to depend on a man for financial support, and a man doesn’t have to marry a woman based on society’s demands. So where does that leave us? These days, people get married primarily because they love each other (of course there are always other circumstances, but for the most part love is the reason.) Those of us that are married or who have been in long-term relationships know that it takes a lot more than just love to make a relationship work. So how can we make a relationship last when we know that the being “in love” feeling eventually fades? How do we stay connected in a loving way, get past our differences and hopefully create a long-lasting loving partnership?

In the video below you can hear from John himself, speaking about these issues in his interview with our Activities Director, Barry Shingle. John’s knowledge has left me with a few priceless lessons that I believe can be helpful for any marriage or relationship. Enjoy!

Love’s Cycles

couples therapy, marriage, relationships, love, love's cycles, linda carrol

Here at the Ranch it seems like there are endless activities and talks.  Everything from nutrition, fitness, mental health, spirituality, art and nature.  So why not love too?  World renowned therapist Linda Carrol is doing a three-part series on the cycles of love based on her upcoming book, Love’s Cycles.

I had dinner with Linda last week and she suggested that I come to her talk later that night and I’m so glad I did.  Her talk was so enlightening and made me think of “love” in a new way.  Especially since I’m engaged and getting married soon, it was very important to hear all of this information!

Basically there are five cycles of love according to Linda:

  1. The Merge-“We two are one.”
  2. Doubt & Denial-“We two are one and I am the one.”
  3. Disillusionment-“All’s fair in love and war.”
  4. A Decision-“Indecision becomes decision with time.”
  5. Wholehearted Loving-“The only journey is the one within.”

Does any of this sound familiar?  I think all of us who are in a relationship or were in one can relate to these cycles.  Not everything is perfect or how we want it all the time no matter how good of a relationship we are in.  Also, it’s good to know that everyone goes through similar issues and we’re not alone!  The best part is that we can be in a loving fulfilling relationship even if we’ve gone through Doubt & Denial and Disillusionment.

What I found very interesting is the scientific aspect of love which Linda goes into detail about in her talk.  It was so fascinating.  I had no idea how much our brain changes chemically when we “fall in love”.

Linda was a delight to listen to.  She brings so much common sense to the table and humor as well as information about why we act the way we do and how to create meaningful long-lasting love.  You can learn more about Linda at her website, lindaacarroll.com

Linda is also coming out with her new book Love’s Cycles soon.  Click the link for an advanced copy of the first chapter.